Each stroke signifies decisions that reply to questions. Questions concerning the medium, the limits of the medium, the limits of the self.
A painting striving to set its outlines and be-come in the context of contemporary painting. A body that does the same to be-come in the context of contemporary society.
I see painting as a process of becoming: A chaos, a nothing, is slowly getting baptised by the marks of the paint on the surface, and whilst passing through
this threshold, it decides to which laws and up to what extent it will submit; And how much of it will remain. The painting surface becomes a battlefield in between chaos and order, the animal and the human, the body and the mind. A body that strives to set its outlines and become. A fighting body.
How much freedom to give to a body to express itself without letting it erase itself completely? When I paint, there’s a point in which I let my hands free – and why not to? Why not get out of the lines, break the borders? What if I mess it all up, what if I make the figures, the shapes, the forms lose everything that signifies them? What if I don’t submit to order, to the expectation of making something skillful, aesthetically appealing or technically complicated?
When I give my hands the freedom they are asking for, they destroy; Nothing; that’s what’s left. And then more nothing. To become a subject one has to submit (Butler). To question the context which defines one, is to question oneself (Kristeva).
I obey. My free hands have to occasionally stop. In front of a line, a shape, a figure. They follow. Some lines have not to be surpassed in order for the painting to exist, but how many of them to follow?
The way that I treat my surface is informing the way that I position myself in society, personally and politically. I am seeking to find a balance between order and chaos, love and anger. I fail. Again and again. Silence is louder than the loudest scream, a tutor once told me. Let it be. My body resists. My body is angry, my body wants to fight, to dance, to get pleased.
It is not about communicating a story but a state. All I aim for is a pause. A breath.